ah. xanga. I think it is a nice format unless someone can show me something better.
Well it seems that ever since I stopped working at the cleaners and since I moved to chapel hill, I haven't read a single book besides Harry potter or health books. This is very unusual for me, I used to be constantly reading. Now I am working retail full time, I don't really do much of anything. When you work retail it's hard to plan anything, so I usually don't, and spend any free time I have either with paul, watching some tv, seeing family, or sleeping. My life has become pretty boring and it's all my fault. It's really easy to forget you had dreams, that real things that are important can be accomplished. I have successfully lost touch with every dream I ever had. See I had something heart breaking happen to me before that was tied to a lot of things in my life. And what I have to deal with I'm not sure if it's just life or some sort of divine punishment. I know God does not torment us, but it's hard not to let things torment me. Then when one starts thinking about what was, what could be, and what can't be things can get a little depressing. Unless something is pressuring me, I am the worlds biggest underachiever. Mostly because I only see the obstacles in my path, like lack of wishes, time, money, ability.
there were a lot of things in my life that were set on a bed of sand and I didn't even know it, till is was washed out from under me. But there was enough of my life set on rock that I wasn't left totally bereft.
To be honest I wish God would get nitty-gritty specific and tell me exactly what to do with myself, but he repeatedly refuses and for good reason.
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